Winning Over Worry

I always get tempted to worry about the things I can’t change, but at the end of the day, I discover that there has been a ready-made solutionn for those things, and my worry was worthless.

We all get tempted to worry about certain situations on our lives, and it seems Covid has made anxiety a more acceptable way of dealing with issues.

However, we all must realise that the major difference between worry and concern is this: a worried person tries to carry a mountain, and a concerned person tries to climb a mountain.

This reminds me of this old parable.

Death walked toward a certain city. The watchman of the city stopped Death and asked, “What are you going to do? “I am going to kill 20 thousand people,” said Death. The watchman went into the city immediately and warned as many people as he could. The next day, it was reported that 80 thousand people had died.

The man met Death again later that day and said, “You told me that you were going to kill 20 thousand people, but 80 thousand people died yesterday.” Death replied, “I only killed 20 thousand people, the other 60 thousand were killed by worry and panic”.

Anytime I have cause to worry, I remind myself that worry is not only a waste of time but the graveyard where peace and joy are buried. Why should I worry when I’m not a mortician?

Seven Features of Worry.

Worry is a profitless pressure.
Like a rocking chair, worry will give you an activity to do, without a real achievement to show for it. It offers motion without movement.

Worry is a pointless pursuit:
If you treat every stormy situation as a matter of life and death matter, you will live once and die a lot of times.
We are born again every day, we all have more than one life to live: the good life, the better life, the sweet life, the old life, the new life, the impactful life, the beautiful life. Add yours. Life is vast.

This is how I win

Worry is a pitiable prison.
Don’t turn a problem into a perpetual prison. Worry traps people in their old truth and stops them from rewriting their old story. Worry prevents people from enforcing necessary endings and enjoying new beginnings.

Worry is a painful paradise.
The looming tragedies that worry projects are imaginary. They are not certain. Your worst fear may never happen at all.

Worry is a pathetic pastime.
A pity party is not fun at all. No person will come knocking at your door asking to join your worry hang out. Worry puts you in a position where you feel comfortable with confusion and complications.

Worry is a pressure cooker.
Worry saps a great deal of a person’s emotional energy and can leave him completely drained and depressed.

Worry is a parasitic partner.
Worry never solves a thing, it makes you focus on the things that has gone wrong, and how they can get worse. Worry robs people of their peace, sleep, joy, hope, faith and love, and sometimes, it saps the life out of them.

How To Win Over Worry.

Tackle the trigger.
Identify the root cause of your worry and find resources or people that can help you deal with it. The antidote to your greatest worry is sometimes just a call, a counsellor, a click away.

Fix your focus.
Your priority matters. What you pay attention to will determine what you get. Life is operated on the ‘Pay As You Go’ system. If you pay attention to solution, you will get it.

Partner with Peace.
Peace is not the absence of trouble but the presence of God during troubles. We cannot control everything but we can create a system that sustains peace in the storm. Piece is always present but we need to position ourselves to enjoy it.

Pay attention to God’s promises.
We do not hold the world in our hands, but if we can hold the hands of the God who holds the world, we will be safe.
Life’s storm rages on its course, thriving through it all depends on our staying power and what we pay attention to.
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you.” Isaiah 26:3.

Pray and Play with passion.
Worry often makes people pray less. However, you don’t have to do long hours of prayers to snap out if worry.
Panic is a wrong response
to the things you can’t control.
Prayer is the right response
to things under God’s control.
Take time to have fun too. Like people say around here “Problems don’t finish”. Success is a product of problems.

Arise and Affirm
Study God’s words and find out the promises that take care of the problems you may be facing. Speak love, speak life, speak blessings and speak victory over yourself.
You can get a copy of Whispers of Winners here for daily doses of affirmations that keep worries at bay.

Making Happiness Common

If love is the only thing we have on earth, no soul will starve to death.

When I was 11 years old, I could remember a particular night that I and my siblings were sure of going to bed hungry. I was so starved and broken that I began to cry by the roadside, one of my mother’s friends saw me sobbing profusely and asked me what the problem was.

I narrated our ordeal to her. She went to meet my mom who felt so embarrassed to admit that she was a broke and broken single mother who couldn’t provide dinner for her children.

That night, I and my siblings went to bed well-fed, all thanks to my mom’s friend – she didn’t just give us dinner, there was something about her action that night that made me know that love is all we need to heal the world.

Covid has brought other kinds of pandemic in its wake (unemployment, hunger, mental health issues) and so we need another kind of vaccine. Around the world, more than enough food is produced to feed the global population – yet over 690 million people still go to bed hungry. What could have been the problem? I am sure it’s not about food distribution but greed and corruption.

Hunger is not just the discomfort associated with a lack of food but the distress associated with a lack of love. In our world, we have two tribes of malnourished folks, those suffering from undernutrition and those suffering from overnutrition.

Hunger seems to be the gulf between the greedy and the needy. Food security on the other hand is not just about the availability of food but the affordability and accessibility of food to the global population.

A healthy, hopeful and happy life begins when a person has adequate availability and constant access to nutritious and good food. Our world will be a better place when we don’t have to worry about where the next meal will come from.

We know that a peaceful world cannot long exist, one-third rich and two-thirds hungry -Jimmy Carter

It is often said that a hungry man is an angry man – no doubt, emotional stability is connected to nutritional stability. This reminds me of the Ubuntu story from Africa.

An Anthropologist proposed a fun game to some African children. He placed a basket of sweets near a tree and made the children stand 100 meters away. Then said that whoever reaches first would get all the sweets in the basket.

After he screamed ‘ready, steady, go!’
The children’s action mesmerised him. They all held each other’s hands, ran together towards the tree, shared the sweets equally among themselves, ate the sweets and smiled.

When the Anthropologist asked them why they did so, They answered. “Ubuntu.” Which simply means, “How can one be happy when the others are sad?”
Ubuntu in their language means “I am because we are”. This is a timely and timeless message for all nations and generations, all tongues and tribes and all people in all places – Let’s spread love, hope and joy everywhere.

I ask my friend, how can one be full when others are hungry? Collective prosperity is the only way to achieve world peace. Let’s make kindness common in every way we can. Touch a life today, make someone happy. Heal the world by injecting more love and light into the souls around you.

Let’s have a “Ubuntu” life.

We are apostles of affection
from a healing bloodline
We don’t give to receive
We give to reveal the nature
and the culture of our kingdom.
A kingdom of love and light
with blessings unending.
We are custodians of kindness
and wellsprings of sweetness.
Love is not what we feel or
what we do, love is who we are,
It’s locked in our blood and bones.
We are bred from a loving lineage,
genetically wired to be generous
and configured to be courteous.
We live to give and forgive,
we spread love and speak life
to everyone and everything around us.

Do you believe that we can end hunger in the world? What can be done? Please share your thoughts in the comment section. Thank you for reading.

You Won’t Die Like This

Life is sweet but the truth is bitter. Life is a bed of roses, but it seems we have fast forgotten that roses have thorns and sometimes what’s beautiful can make us bleed. 

Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen for good people, but no matter how much you feel broken and battered by life.

When I became homeless last year, I got to a juncture where all hope was lost, and I told God to take my life if He doesn’t want me on earth anymore. But God, came through and now I can look back and thank God for those tough times.

Please don’t kill yourself, yes I am talking to you, my dear friend, don’t quit! I may not know your name or the flames you are going through, but whether it’s shame or blame – for the things you did or the ones you didn’t do, trust me, there is hope for you.

Your journey may be tougher and your road rougher than you can explain but you are stronger than your pains.

I know this may sound like a cliche but I’ve been there before – the valley of death where strong men feel lifeless, helpless & hopeless. The dungeon where fear and frustration feel closer than a friend. However, that prison is not a place of residence.

God formed you in His image for a time like this, you are not a slave to sorrow, sadness and satanic oppression. You are not created to drown in the dungeon of depression. Stop listening to the lying voices in your head.

You are not your past mistakes or present errors, you are more than conquerors. A champion made to turn challenges to channels of blessings.

Don’t let the deception and distractions of the devil steal your joy forever. God is willing to flood your heart once more with the river of joy.
I know it’s sometimes hard to let go and let God but find strength from within to go on your knees and beg God.

He is the help of the helpless and hope of the hopeless, He can fix your broken spirit and fill your soul with joy and bliss again. From those voices of shame and reproach, God can set you free. You have better and brighter days ahead of your, I pray you to begin to see.

I know there is no quick route to finding bliss but you can’t continue to live like this, and my friend, you are not going to die like this. Wipe away your tears and trade your tears for joy in the pool of prayers and positivity.

The devil wants you to perish in the prison of disgrace but God wants to plant you in the garden of grace.

Please don’t do it, don’t take your life, there is an end to this storm and strife. Death is not a termination but a transition, if you kill yourself I bet you will regret it because what awaits on the other side of suicide is worse than the pains and pressures of life.

Don’t believe the lie that it’s better to die.

If you think you are alone in the fight, you are wrong. Many people including me have gone through this valley and came out strong. Reach out to God and godly people around you, go on your knees and beg God to see you through.

I know it’s sometimes hard to pray because you don’t know what to say but God can hear your heart and the tales of your tears. Talk to Him every way you can, He can hear your silent scream.

God is mighty to save, It’s time to shift your focus and look unto Jesus if you don’t know him yet, it’s time to accept him. He died shamefully and rose again triumphantly so you won’t have to die in shame.

His love is strong enough to lift you out of hopelessness. His light is bright enough to lead you out of the darkness and His life. Cast your care upon Him for He cares for you.

If you desire to know more you can reach me via adelekeadeite@gmail.com

I strongly recommend that you speak victory over yourself and everything around you. Get a free copy of Whisper of Winners here, it’s a compilation of daily affirmations. Feel free to share with your friends

A Letter To My Crush

Dear crush, it seems we have been avoiding deep conversations since we started catching feelings for each other. There are a lot of things I wished I could say to you directly but I am afraid that you will cut off this beautiful bond between us.

So, I am breaking this silence with my keypad and notepad, attempting to tell you that I love you, and my love for you is pure and perfect – a slice of paradise.

However, there are things I may do or say that will hurt you temporarily, and there are things I may refuse to do or say that will make you doubt my love for you.

I am an imperfect man on a quest for perfection and full resurrection, yes resurrection.

My heart was broken, burned and buried by some of the ‘friends’ that occupied it in the past

I have lost touch with the reality of romance because the fragrance of my heart was polluted with the flame of falsehood, betrayal and deception.

I have loved the wrong people the right way and loved the right people the wrong way because my emotions were bereft of purity and godly purposes.

My love was blind because it lacked the Light of God. My love was dead because it lacked the life of Christ. I was looking for love in the wrong places – filling the God-shaped hole in my heart with the pleasures of this world.

All my previous displays of affection were born out of a distasteful desire – to fulfil the lust of the flesh. Although I tried to do what was right, but I was on the wrong side of morality and far from divinity.

At a point in time, depression began to set in, I drowned deeply in the ocean of frustration. While jumping from one random relationship to another, I found myself in the valley of the shadow of death, but the love of God was reckless, excess and limitess enough to find me.

God came running after me to rescue me. He lighted up every shadow, and whispered to me, “Dear son, death is swallowed up in victory”.
He transported me from the valley of the shadow of death to the mountain of the rainbow of life.

God added flavour and colour to my life, and now I can boldly say that I am salt and light to my world. I was rescued for such a time as this and ransomed for a treasure like you.

Dear crush, I am growing and healing fast, and I am trying not to go back to the pit God pulled me from and the sins He saved me from.

So, I may not say all the things you want me to say or do all you want me to do but I can guarantee you that if you allow God’s love to find expression in your heart and our friendship, we will do life together and love each other as Christ loved the church…

In the meantime, let’s flow in faith, fun and friendship. I hope this is not as complicated as you thought it would be.

– Adeleke Adeite

What’s your take-home from this piece? Share your views in the comment section. Thank you.

Progression Over Perfection

The ugliness of the caterpillar does not reduce its capacity to become a beautiful butterfly. It’s merely a sign of growth, so is failure.

No one is perfect, but everyone can have a positive effect. Nothing was created for perfection, everything exists for progression. Great artists believe that every mess has a beautiful message. You can create a colourful package out of a complete wreckage only if you learn to pick up broken pieces and process them to make a masterpiece.

Perfection leaves little or no room for improvement. That’s why perfection remains a relative concept. Imperfection provides a platform for progression. It sometimes requires choas to create a beauty, just as the rainbow rises from the ashes of storms.

Image credit: treehugger.com

A lot of times, we focus on our failures, and forget that failure is not the opposite of success, it’s an opportunity for success. Learning precedes lifting. You will do better and become better when you know better. Great men and women are those who consistently learn how to use failures as catalysts for success.

The fact that something is not working gives room for discovery and recovery. The greatest inventions and innovations in our world are answers to failures and inadequacies.

Our shortcomings are indications that there is room for growth and positive change. Stop fueling your flaws with regrets, worries and doubts. Study material that will help you become a better version of yourself.

Our weaknesses are the channels through which God releases and reveals His strength. We need to always pray for the grace to shun guilt and embrace change. Repentance positions you for deliverance and abundance.

Our flaws and foibles are not setbacks but setups for discovery, recovery and delivery. God made us imperfect so we can appreciate and embrace the grace for growth. Relational, emotional and professional mess can metamorphose into a beautiful, impactful and wonderful life.

Image credit: natracare.com

Action Point:

  • Write a list of all your setbacks, weaknesses, failures, threats and inadequacies.
  • Write out every possible way you can overcome or maximise your failures as catalysts for growth.
  • Speak to an expert or counsellor if you need further guidance or help.
  • Make a commitment to be responsible to write a new story even if you can’t rewrite your past mistakes. Shun regrets, your best life is ahead of you. Make it happen.

© Adeleke Adeite

Do well to share your thoughts and share this with your friends.
Be blessed and stay safe.

The Fist of Freedom

A people without a destination needs no direction,
they see every wave is a weapon of mass distraction.
When a country cannot maximize modernization,
cruel crimes will be its symbol of civilisation.

Soro soke” is our new national salutation,
Our society now craves socioeconomic sanitation.
Madmen in uniform requires total rehabilitation.
Arrogant ancestors in agbada should go into extinction.

When money becomes a man’s sole motivation,
timeless treasures become his timely temptation.
He uses brutality to build a faulty foundation
on which he constructs castles of corruption.

When rodents rule over a resourceful nation,
they ravage lives without fear of retribution.
In a bid to manipulate and win general elections;
they trade the fortune of the unborn generation.

It’s time to crush cocoons and form a coalition
to drive the change we desire with determination.
Police officers should enforce laws with caution.
Human rights should be given optimum attention.

Public office should not be a juicy junction
where the elite derive economic domination.
It’s time to speak up for our nation’s liberation
from the claws of cluelessness and corruption.

© Adeleke Adeite

Soro soke is a Yoruba slogan which means “Speak up”
Agbada is a four-piece flowing male attire mostly worn in southwestern Nigeria.

Candlelight’s Clarion Call #EndSARS

In the brewery of brutality
they were crushed and killed.
By custodians of criminality
innocent bloods were spilled.

Silenced by trigger happy cops,
yet their peace is loud and clear.
It roars and rages from rooftops
to fight police fierceness and fear.

In the sanctuary of our streets
a million-candle sparkles.
Timeless tales told with tweets
as every timeline twinkles.

Every candle screams in silence
“justice must prevail”.
Politicians can’t preen in pretence
while heroes travail.

The end of bad governance is here,
It’s happening right now.
The end of police brutality is here,
It’s happening right now!

#EndSARS protests in Nigeria took a different and emotional twist today, Friday October 16, as protesters all across the nation and in Diaspora holds a candle night in remembrance of all victims of Extra-judiciary killings and police brutality.

Recall that the protest started as a critical response to incessant police brutality and extrajudicial killings by the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS) unit of the Nigerian Police Force which was disbanded by the Inspector-general of police, Mohammed Adamu who later, announced the establishment of Special Weapons and Tactics Team (SWAT) to replace SARS.

Feminist Coalition, a group of young Nigerian feminists formed in July 2020 with a mission to champion equality for women in Nigerian society has been at the forefront of the protests, mobilizing resources, raising awareness, coordination protests and so on.

The names of some of the victims published by Feminist coalition

The names of some of the victims published by Feminist coalition

Some videos and pictures from the candle night

Say a prayer for Nigeria. Africa deserves a living and thriving giant, not a corrupt and crawling ant.
© Adeleke Adeite All Rights Reserved

Hugs and Handshakes

In a world of pressure and pain,
We need doses of healing and hope.
In a world of struggles and strain,
We need doses of courage to cope.

In a world of flame, fury and flood,
We need doses of rest and restoration.
In a world of bullets, bars and blood,
We need doses of and affection.

In a world of fears and frustration,
We need doses of hug and handshakes.
In a world of death and destruction,
We need doses affection and all it takes.

It is believed that hugs may not only have healing powers, but actually help protect against stress and negative emotions caused by interpersonal conflict.

When people continually commit to interpersonal touch such as hugs and handshakes, it oftentimes improve their sense of wellbeing and leads to healthy relationships.

Today, lend a hand of healing and hope to someone in distress. Save a soul, someone needs your touch to survive and thrive.

If you can’t use your hands, use your head, if you can’t use your head, use your heart, we all have what it takes to make the world a better place. Cognition, compassion and character count!

©Adeleke Adeite.

Forgive Yourself First

My heart has been broken, burnt and buried a couple of times. How I still get to love again is a miracle. If you have never been heartbroken, don’t read any further. Okay, that was a joke. Read a little more till you stop seeing yourself in this mirror. (Laughs)

It is believed that prevention is better than cure, but I think that knowing how to prevent unnecessary pains is priceless and pure. When undue pain is not permitted, unwanted regret is not remitted.

I have been in quite a few rash and reckless relationships and have come to realise that there is nothing more depressing than a sinking and stinking relationSHIP. It makes people drown even before their ‘ship’ starts drowning. You know those ‘rosy relationships’ with bitter waters flowing behind the scene.

Folks who are in bitter relationships may not necessarily be frowning but are drowning within. The late music icon, Fela Anikulapo Kuti called it ‘suffering and smiling’.

So, let’s get this straight, everyone will at one point or the other make wrong choices not because they are not wise enough but because they need to learn to value the right choices. Challenges make champions, for those who choose to give change a chance.

One thing that makes it possible to get out of toxic relationships faster is forgiveness, I’m not talking about forgiving the other person, but forgiving yourself.

Forgive yourself first, internal freedom fuels external freedom. It becomes easy to forge ahead when you learn to forgive yourself and stop struggling to forgive the offender or abuser. Stop trying to forget the past and start building a brighter future. Pick up the messy pieces and build a masterpiece. Even God created a bright and beautiful earth out of an empty and worthless earth.

You are not too battered and shattered to be rearranged and repackaged. Your pain is a puzzle that only love can fix – self-love. Forgiving yourself frees you from the hold of your past and gives you access into a deeper dimension of affection. And when you are free from internal bondage, it becomes easy to break free from external bondage.

Tell yourself sorry…

I’m sorry, to say the least,
I’m sorry for the last.
I’m sorry for forlorn feasts,
I’m sorry for the fast.

I’m sorry for weak heartbeats,
I’m sorry for the blast.
I’m sorry for my faulty feats,
I’m sorry for the past.

I’m sorry for dull film and frame,
I’m sorry for dead desire.
I’m sorry for my flagrant flame,
I’m sorry about the fire.

I’m sorry for shadow and shame
I’m sorry for the mire.
I’m sorry for every blame game,
I’m sorry for my quagmire.

I will do better by learning better,
I need not get bitter.
I have this one lovely life to live,
I will learn to forgive.
©2020 Adeleke Adeite

Please share with others, I’m sure you found this piece inspiring. Thank you.

Please share with others

Remind The Rapist

It seems every girl has a sour story to tell, some are yet to heal from the fire and fury of rape. Their scars are scary though unseen, their injuries get fuelled by injustice and stigmatization. Is there a sanctuary for assaulted souls?

When I was eight years old, my oldest brother sexually assaulted me for two years. I didn’t like it, but I didn’t do anything to stop it because it was all I knew. One day before my mom left, I asked her not to go because I didn’t want to be alone with him in the house. She asked why and I finally told her. His defense was that it wasn’t just one-sided, but I didn’t know what else to do but let him do it. Things got awkward after that, but now he doesn’t even speak with us, has a wife and kid and is just fine, I suppose… (Story of an eighteen years old lady, culled from http://www.takebackthenight.org)

Rape is a forbidden fruit that has many seeds, and one of them is ignorance. A man who knows better will do better. So let me remind all men why rape is not just a grievous sin but an act of ingratitude to women.

There are some things a boy needs to learn before he becomes a man so that he won’t become a mindless and mannerless man. Also, there are some things a man needs to learn so that he won’t act a wild man. Justice begins within. I really don’t like protests, so I am not going to wait for people to start protesting for justice again, let me speak to the soul of our men, may be I can prevent anotherr protest. Shall I?

A lady is cruising around the corner,
but you spotted a net to score a goal,
forgetting that she’s a sister with a soul.
She’s not a prey, God is her sole owner.

A woman’s womb is man’s first fortress
She bleeds and grieves to bestow life.
Yet you wrecked her haven with strife
O rapist, you merit to drown in distress!

A real man cultivates a budding flower,
He sees every woman as God’s package.
His rod is not a weapon of wreckage…
Only madmen violates a divine tower.

You put the blame on her skimpy skirt,
But her body is none of your business.
Look and leave, your royal badness,
Who rapes you for an unbuttoned shirt?

Every woman is a mobile miracle,
She is a gallery of undeniable attraction.
Even if some blatantly brew distraction,
Must you dive into the river of ridicule?

Don’t trick or taunt her to feed your ego.
Without consent, sex is a poor pleasure,
and it bestows misery beyond measure.
Tame your tool, be your own superhero.

Sexual urge is real, no doubt or debate,
It is not a creation of man, so let God…
Set strict boundaries for your fleshy rod,
Yield to the One who can fix your fate.
© Adeleke Adeite 2020

Please share with all the men and boys in your life.