The Father Warns Fathers

Last December, I decided to send my dad the same Christmas package that I sent to my mom. Immediately he got the package, he called me on phone and began to sob profusely, praying his heart out – to appreciate the unusual gift he got from his son. Why would a man in his 70s get so emotional?

I was already getting into my 30s when I realized that I have to honour and love my father for who he is; not for who I expect him to be. His worth and weaknesses are not really mine to evaluate or validate.

He is an intelligent man, one you could call a 21st-century king Solomon – not in wealth per se, but in wisdom and women affairs. ( That’s on a lighter note)

I didn’t really get a lot from him in terms of provision, attention, and those father-and-son conversations. I used to blame some of my ‘failures’ on the fact that he wasn’t a present dad, until I realized that blame game is a lame game.

I realized that God knew my earthly father’s strengths and struggles – stuffs he would have to live with, and which I will have to learn from. However, I believe that my father would have done better if he knew better. He wasn’t just a polygamous man but a very absent father.

There are different brands of fathers in our world, I don’t know the tag you have given yours, but every father is expected to be an expression of God. Some fathers represent Him well while some are misrepresenting Him terribly.

The world and our homes will be a replica of heaven on earth if fathers decide to follow God’s model of fatherhood.

What Does the Father Wants From Fathers?

Care and Compassion. There is no safe house in this world that is stronger than a father’s love for his child. A child’s heart is designed to flourish in the garden of his father’s pure love. Whoever offers a child such love has a pride of place in the child’s heart. God wants fathers to leave a legacy of love for their children.

Spark the Spirit:
Fathers are supposed to be the priest in the home. Every father should ensure that the family is not only physically fit and fed but spiritually sound and emotionally empowered. God expects fathers to be custodians of spirituality and stability in the home.

As you reflect on the essence of fatherhood today, what emotions run through your mind about your dad or father figure (if any)? Maybe he spent time with you as a child, coaching and mentoring you; Maybe he isn’t there at all. Maybe you don’t even have a father figure. Think of the love of the greatest Father, and let it refine you and redefine your perception of earthly fathers.

I challenge you on this Father’s Day to consider sending a card to that father in your life, even if it’s to your heavenly Father. Tell him something specific you appreciate about him. No one is perfect, not even fathers, but that doesn’t mean they can’t have a positive effect.

Every man in our lives – a father, a husband, a brother, a friend, a distant relative – needs to be encouraged, and be reminded that they should be true representatives of God. Words of appreciation can be a good tool to bring out the best in men.

I once again challenge you to send a gift, thank-you note, poem, or just do something special to appreciate a father figure.
Finally, I will like to share the lyrics of a beautiful song by written Johnny Drille:

Papa
He calls me to pray
He tells the Lord, to watch over me
Oh my, Papa, he can like to say
As you go away, don’t forget where you came
If you lose your way, you can pray
Don’t be afraid, don’t lose faith
You will find your help, there’ll be away
Just remember to pray and you’ll be okay.

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers, father figures and fathers-to-be.
© Adeleke Adeite 2020

Please share with the men in your life.

Dealing With Depression

I have been there before – the valley of death where men get seared without smelling like smoke; no scar or bruises to show that you are burning down emotionally.

I was depressed for many years, and I can tell the taste of hopelessness especially when it is cooked with fear, failures and frustration. Many years in the dungeon of deep depression, far beyond feeling, I came face-to-face with a force that turns physical giants to emotional ants.

Depression defies definition, it goes beyond expression. Don’t try to define it.

No one snaps out of depression. However, no matter how cancerous it may be, it is fixable. Depression is not a death sentence.

Unlike sadness, depression is not a symptom, it’s a systemic disorder that defies physical strength, material wealth, social status and intelligence.

It’s a heated hole that needs to filled and chilled with affection, right association and medical attention as the case may be. Depressed individuals need more than healing, they need to find the meaning of their miseries, and that meaning and deal with its roots

According to mayorclinic.org, depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest and can interfere with human’s daily functioning. In as much as this definition may not fully capture what depression is all about, it indicates that depression is a disorder.

You can’t tell a depressed person to just snap out of it, but you can help them walk out of it as a winner. I will like to share certain facts that you need to know about depression and how to walk out of it. Let’s go on a poetic cruise.

Depression is difficult to define,
It’s clearly beyond not feeling fine.
A depressed person may feel nothing
But weep within about everything.

Depression has deep dimensions,
it goes beyond facial expressions.
A depressed man can still smile
while his faith gets more fragile.

Depression clearly isn’t sadness,
It’s the grave of guts and gladness.
A depressed man isn’t really weak,
He is tired of trying not to be weak.

Depression is pain without purpose,
It’s a thorn that reeks just like a rose.
A depressed man basks in bitterness
Yet swims in the stream of sweetness.

Depression is beyond what and why.
Do you ask onions why people cry?
Depression is a system, not a symptom.
Dealing with it requires great wisdom.

Depression is beyond being emotional,
To get better requires being intentional.
Despair has an end, don’t quit trying,
That death-voice in your head is lying…

Depression is more like a secret storm,
It makes a strong man live like a worm.
Despair doesn’t kill, helplessness does.
Seek help, speak out, silence that buzz.

How and Where To Get Help

Help is always available but you must be willing to be reachable and vulnerable. Get access to the right people or give access to the right people
Here are a few other tips.

If depression is a disorder, then it means the ‘disrupted’ order needs to be restored.

In the beginning of creation, the earth was without form and void, darkness covered the whole earth – depression look-alike. But God commanded light and order into the void and dark world.

Turning to God in prayer will set the foundation for healing. However, healing from depression is a process that requires human connection, affection and medical attention in some cases. A depressed person may need to see an emotions doctor. Below are a few tips that can also help:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/coping-with-depression.htm

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/coping-with-depression.htm

Depression is not a death sentence. It is a mental health issue that can be solved, cured and defied. Don’t die trying to be strong all by yourself. Live out loud, love out loud, lead out loud.
© Adeleke Adeite 2020

If you find this helpful, please share with friends and families.

To get more tips visit https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/coping-with-depression.htm

Remind The Rapist

It seems every girl has a sour story to tell, some are yet to heal from the fire and fury of rape. Their scars are scary though unseen, their injuries get fuelled by injustice and stigmatization. Is there a sanctuary for assaulted souls?

When I was eight years old, my oldest brother sexually assaulted me for two years. I didn’t like it, but I didn’t do anything to stop it because it was all I knew. One day before my mom left, I asked her not to go because I didn’t want to be alone with him in the house. She asked why and I finally told her. His defense was that it wasn’t just one-sided, but I didn’t know what else to do but let him do it. Things got awkward after that, but now he doesn’t even speak with us, has a wife and kid and is just fine, I suppose… (Story of an eighteen years old lady, culled from http://www.takebackthenight.org)

Rape is a forbidden fruit that has many seeds, and one of them is ignorance. A man who knows better will do better. So let me remind all men why rape is not just a grievous sin but an act of ingratitude to women.

There are some things a boy needs to learn before he becomes a man so that he won’t become a mindless and mannerless man. Also, there are some things a man needs to learn so that he won’t act a wild man. Justice begins within. I really don’t like protests, so I am not going to wait for people to start protesting for justice again, let me speak to the soul of our men, may be I can prevent anotherr protest. Shall I?

A lady is cruising around the corner,
but you spotted a net to score a goal,
forgetting that she’s a sister with a soul.
She’s not a prey, God is her sole owner.

A woman’s womb is man’s first fortress
She bleeds and grieves to bestow life.
Yet you wrecked her haven with strife
O rapist, you merit to drown in distress!

A real man cultivates a budding flower,
He sees every woman as God’s package.
His rod is not a weapon of wreckage…
Only madmen violates a divine tower.

You put the blame on her skimpy skirt,
But her body is none of your business.
Look and leave, your royal badness,
Who rapes you for an unbuttoned shirt?

Every woman is a mobile miracle,
She is a gallery of undeniable attraction.
Even if some blatantly brew distraction,
Must you dive into the river of ridicule?

Don’t trick or taunt her to feed your ego.
Without consent, sex is a poor pleasure,
and it bestows misery beyond measure.
Tame your tool, be your own superhero.

Sexual urge is real, no doubt or debate,
It is not a creation of man, so let God…
Set strict boundaries for your fleshy rod,
Yield to the One who can fix your fate.
© Adeleke Adeite 2020

Please share with all the men and boys in your life.

Let Love Live

Okay, I am single to stupor, and so? I have no right to write about love. Hmm, what does a boy know about love?

I know a little, I know that love is not a thing we give and get but a being we birth and breed.

Hello loneliness, I have passed the point of thinking that it’s a sickness to be single. I tasted the sweetness of self-love and of a truth, I can tell that love begins within. However, I must confess that whenever I see married couples snuggling each other sweetly, I crave their version of affection. Agreeably, we all have cravings.

A lot of times we crave things that we don’t comprehend, and love is one of such cravings. Love is an entity, love is a being that craves what everyone else wants. Love eats, moves, breathes, reproduces, adapts, grows and, above all, it dies, especially when it is starved.

Let me lecture you about love, shall we?

Love needs nutrition,
don’t let it die of starvation,
constantly feed it with kindness.

Love needs motion,
don’t let it suffer stagnation,
constantly fuel it with forgiveness.

Love needs stimulation,
don’t let it die of deprivation,
constantly feed it with closeness.

Love needs expansion,
don’t let it die in detention,
constantly feed it with openness.

Love needs medication,
don’t let it die of infection,
Constantly treat it with tenderness.

Love needs excretion,
don’t let it die of indigestion,
constantly flush it with mildness.

Love needs respiration,
don’t let it die of suffocation,
constantly fuel it with faithfulness

Love needs adaptation,
don’t let it die of deception
constantly feed it with truthfulness.

Love needs transition,
don’t let it die of restriction,
constantly feed it with genuineness.

Love needs devotion,
don’t let it die of distraction,
constantly feed it with steadfastness.
© Adeleke Adeite 2020

Kindly share with your loved ones

Dear Broken Girl

Every woman is a versatile vessel filled with timeless treasures, she is a mobile miracle that happens everywhere. However, she sometimes gets broken and betrayed by the people who are expected to protect, preserve and pamper her. Depressed, deprived and downtrodden, she wonders why she feels buried in darkness to die.

Beyond the rage of rape and all forms of violence against women, beyond broken hearts and bleeding bodies, and beyond the distress of gender discrimination, the earth is a garden for girls to grow and glow. You are not broken to die, you are broken to bloom. To every girl out there, this is my letter to you…

Smile, sing and soar,
Your are made to manifest.
Rise, reign and roar,
Gain courage for conquest.

Glaze, glow and grow,
This garden is yours to fill.
Share, shine and show,
You are a city set on a hill.

Press, preen and play,
The world is your auditorium
Probe, prove and pray,
Danger looms on the podium.

Stand, strike and strive
Till flames of fears fade away.
Think, thrust and thrive,
Your victory is not far away.

Dance, dream and dine,
Strike a string in the spirit.
Watch, win and wine
Live and love beyond limit.
© Adeleke Adeite

Please share with your daughters, sisters, mothers, godmothers, girlfriends and all the women in your life. Also let me know what you think in the comment section. 💕💕💕👍👍