At the core of human existence is family life. Everyone is a product of the union of a man and a woman. Florishing families produce a sane society.
It has been observed that fidelity, financial stability and faith play a fundamental role in family life. Everyone has legitimate needs, but when such needs are not met, frustration often sets in, which leads to pointless pressure.
Men and women express their needs in different dimensions. Some of the most commonly expressed desires of men comprise sexual fulfilment, physical attraction, encouragement, friendship, domestic comfort and respect. Women’s desires include attention, affection, loyalty, communication, sexual satisfaction, affirmation, financial support and responsibility.
The inability of partners to meet or get some of these needs met often causes a crack in relationships if not properly managed, hence some end up satisfying these needs with awful alternatives.
It’s all about mindsets. A broke person with a high sense of productivity will create alternative streams of income but a bored person with low self-esteem will crave unproductive streams of satisfaction.
I stumbled on the story of Rebecca Meza on Quora. He story expresses the clear perspective of woman on infidelity
I was the main woman to this man, we were together for 5 years with children. I always kept it fun, romantic, spicey, cooked and took care of our children. He ended up choosing to destroy our relationship by getting a side chick. He kept it from me, but I found out. For this man, it wasn’t about me, it was all about him. He was insecure and needed a constant ego boost, no matter how nicely I treated him.
I got numb to this man and his dumb choices – instead of growing up, fixing us, or breaking up, he chose to cheat. No matter what I did for this man it wasn’t enough and he decided to be selfish.
If a man decides to get a side chick, he doesn’t have respect for you, that other person, or himself. I deserved better and kicked him out. Ladies, remember it’s s not you, it’s that person’s choice.
- Rebecca Meza
It has been claimed that one of the major reasons why men get side chicks and side gigs is BOREDOM. It should, however, be noted that infidelity and productivity are not gender-biased.
Everyone gets bored at one point or the other and as a result, we all desire something new but how a person deals with boredom is a reflection of his self-esteem and values.
When real partners want something new, they spice up their love life instead of looking outward for undue satisfaction.
Renew your relationship instead of finding a new partner (especially in marriage). Human beings should not be treated like pieces of fabric. You wouldn’t want to be treated as such. When partners know better, they do better.
Using boredom as an excuse for infidelity is baseless.
A man who has a bag of corn, with a producer mindset will use the corn for cornflakes, popcorn, custard, cornflour and others just to get something new. Suffice to say here that real partners get side gigs to kill boredom, and also get financial freedom. But rash partners get side ‘chicks’ to kill boredom and thereby enter into emotional thralldom.
The aim of this piece is to draw a link between productivity and fidelity, especially for married couples. However, I strongly believe that sexual urge is not man’s creation but a creation of God. When people commit their sexual life to God and consciously set boundaries, they will find grace to shun infidelity.
God is the grand producer and creator of all things, for a man to fully maximize creativity and productivity, he needs a touch of divinity. However, there is the place of practice, partnership, platforms, products and persistence.
If all men decide to get a side gig instead of a side chick, our world will be better for it. Someone may say that what a side chick offers can’t be compared to what side gig offers. I have never seen a man who died of fidelity but poverty kills every day.
Men, it’s time to man up!
© 2020 Adeleke Adeite